Below is my running commentary of the premiere episode, The Red Woman. If you haven’t watched it, please stop reading now.

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Ok, we get it, Jon is dead. Poor Ghost is howling in the distance; you should have kept him close Jon. Davos suspects something is up and goes to look, along with (luckily) some other loyal brothers. Yes, take him somewhere safe – or better yet – take him to Melisandre. Am I the only one who thinks the blood in the snow looks a bit like a dragon? I feel like I’m taking a Rorschach ink blot test – tell me what you see. Poor Edd is ready to fight, but yes please go get Ghost. A direwolf by your side couldn’t hurt.

Poor sad Melisandre – nothing is going the way she planned. Have faith, I think your visions are true; you just need to get better at interpretation. If you bring Jon back he can still fight at Winterfell. Let’s get on that, okay?

Alliser is showing no shame or remorse and telling the entire Night’s Watch what he did. Someone please go Caesar him and the rest of his cronies. Where’s Wun Wun when you need him? At least Davos is making plans; it’s good to see him taking charge. The wildlings will not be happy about this turn of events…maybe Alliser should have killed Jon before they let a wilding army past the Wall.

Poor creepy Ramsay actually seems sad – or more accurately like someone whose favorite toy got broken. Myranda looks pretty good for landing face first. I’m glad to see Ramsay hasn’t become too sentimental – l suppose good meat is hard to come by this time of year. Roose needs to watch his back. You can see Ramsay plotting his murder while Roose is handing out criticism. Walda and baby Bolton probably won’t be far behind.

Run, Sansa, run! Freezing to death in the woods would be infinitely better than going back to Ramsay. It’s good to see Theon (no longer Reek) have a backbone again, and so sweet him hugging her like that – I could see these two get together if it weren’t for him being, well, you know. Theon is willing to sacrifice himself to the Bolton pursuers to save Sansa – how valiant! It’s too bad they didn’t buy it. But no worries, here are Brienne and Pod to the rescue! I’m glad Brienne finally gets to do something useful after staring at a window for season 5. It appears Pod has been doing some training, but not enough. Thankfully Theon comes to his rescue. Brienne swears an oath to Sansa like she did to Catelyn – I hope it works out this time.

Cersei has lost another child, and her performance is so heartbreaking I almost feel empathy for her. She surprisingly isn’t furious with Jaime because she knew it was coming – has she given up and resigned herself to the prophecy being fulfilled? Jaime isn’t having it though and vows to fight their enemies. I really hope they start hating each other soon; that was the best part of his redemption arc in the books.

Poor Margaery is still in a cell, and it looks like Septa Unella is making another enemy. She will regret that one day. The High Sparrow sounds reasonable here – they must be playing good cop/bad cop. He may be swaying Margaery to truly repent and confess, or else she will wise up and play the game.

Ugh, Dorne. Do we really have to see them again? Oberyn was so amazing that he must have sucked the awesome out of the rest of his family. Doran finds out about Myrcella; what will he do to Ellaria now? Ah. Nothing at all, because he’s dead, along with Areo. And with that, a bad storyline just got worse. Yes Ellaria, I’m sure Oberyn would be thrilled you are murdering his family on his behalf.

Cue Trystane on the boat. How did Nymeria and Obara get to him? Weren’t they on the dock when the ship left Dorne? Maybe Gendry showed up in his rowboat. Jaime, you should have kept Trystane as a hostage. He’d probably still be alive. What happens now? Can we just cut Dorne off from the rest of Westeros and pretend it doesn’t exist?

Tyrion and Varys must feel pretty secure in their plot armor to walk around Meereen unguarded. Tyrion cracks a joke at Varys’ expense. Glad to see he hasn’t lost his sense of humor, although his Valyrian could use some work. I see the harpies are still stirring the pot (with some freedmen going over to their side perhaps?). They are apparently setting things on fire too. There goes Dany’s fleet…which opens an opportunity for the Greyjoys to have some significance this season.

Daario and Jorah make an awkward search team. Neither of them deserve Dany –  I hope she comes to her senses. Keep that greyscale covered up Jorah! I don’t see his carelessness with it ending well for Essos (or Westeros if he makes it that far). Of course he conveniently finds Dany’s tiny ring in all that grass. Now what? The two of them will take on a Dothraki horde? Sounds like a great plan.

Speaking of Daenerys – she doesn’t look too happy. These crude Dothraki are going to regret whipping the Mother of Dragons when she unleashes Drogon on them. Dany meets Khal Moro and doesn’t take any of his crap. Fire and blood – she remembers who she is and doesn’t care who knows it. And now Moro knows she is Drogo’s widow, so it’s the Dosh Khaleen for her. At least until Drogon decides to show up and burn them all.

Arya is still blind. The waif takes advantage of it to beat her with a stick. I see her Arya sticking her with the pointy end sometime soon.

Alliser tries to negotiate with Davos, but he isn’t falling for his lies. Just open the door and let Ghost have at him – Ghost is looking rather hungry. It will end with blood all right; hopefully Alliser’s. The brothers are concerned that their fate is in Edd’s hands, but Davos reminds them about Melisandre. I’m shocked that he is putting some faith in her. At least until he finds out she was responsible for Shireen’s death.

Melisandre doesn’t look very confident though… more like defeated (not a good sign for Davos or for Jon). And now the moment the men have been waiting for – Melisandre naked. Until she turns until an old woman; I’m pretty sure the men don’t want to see that. Book readers shouldn’t be shocked that she’s old, but it is surprising to see it revealed, and for what purpose? And of course that’s the end of the show.

I guess they want to keep Jon on ice a while longer. It’s been 5 years for some of us to find out if he comes back – haven’t we waited long enough? Oh well, here’s hoping for next week!